There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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