I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
