I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
