I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
