If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
