What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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