put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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