Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
