I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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