White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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