Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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