It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
