I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
