Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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