how can u be prego again
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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