I wish you could order shots online.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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