In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
