this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
