when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
