I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
