I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
