Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
