So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
