oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
