OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
