absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
