it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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