i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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