Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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