he thought i was a dude.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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