I'm gonna have a badass scar
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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