somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
