I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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