ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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