Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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