you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
