I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
