Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
40s are totally the cure
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Congratulations! We have a period
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