As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
