What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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