i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
