I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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