i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
