whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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