her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
