Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
