They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
