I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
