Girls should come with a carfax report
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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