i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
