Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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