so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
