So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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